Over here at Soton Tab HQ we’ve been attempting to go through the SUSU election manifestos so we can write about them with a bit of authority and prepare some obnoxious questions for the candidate debates. Unfortunately, most of the manifestos are extremely dull so instead we’ve come up with something which might get you to do it for us. Faithful readers and jilted haters, pour yourselves a few glasses of homemade Jesticle and indulge in a spot of learning-by-drinking as we play… the MANIFESTO DRINKING GAME.
1) Load up the candidate list so you’ve got the manifestos easily available. If you’re feeling particularly keen, print them out on thick paper – that way you can use them later to protect the floor from the contents of your stomach.
2) Gather all available friends/housemates/passers-by and randomly distribute names from the candidate list amongst the mob. Ensure all participants have a drink; this is the ideal opportunity to get rid of all those quarter full bottles that have been curdling away in the corner of your living room since the end of exams. Mmm, month old £3.50 red wine: fruity and sophisticated! It’s like drinking a smoothie made out of vodka and unripe gooseberries.
3) In turn, and in a funny voice, each player reads out their allocated candidate’s manifesto. Whenever they come across one of the following items, they must drink the corresponding amount:
(Possible variation – the reader doesn’t drink, everyone else does. Infinitely more dangerous for all concerned).
– For every spelling or grammar mistake made in the manifesto.
– Whenever the candidate makes a promise that is laughably unrealistic: examples include ‘increasing employability’ and ‘improving SUSU nightlife’.
– For each of the following buzzwords: enthusiastic, change, dedicated, encourage, passion, feedback, study space, approachable, engage, spearhead, presence.
– Every time the candidate mentions a society or organisation they have been involved with.
– Every time you LOL at a campaign video.
– If the manifesto features a particularly lurid colour scheme.
– Whenever you think the point you’re reading sounds like a good idea.
– If the candidate mentions Winchester campus.
– If you rate the candidate’s picture higher than a 7/10 (I’ll let you decide what you’re measuring here).
– Every time you read a campaign slogan with a cringeworthily tenuous rhyme.
– If anything about making uni life less alcohol oriented is mentioned.
– If you’re pretty sure whatever revolutionary scheme the candidate is talking about implementing is actually already in place.
– For a mention of the DREADED NUS.
If the Soton Tab, Jesters or Sobar are mentioned by name: drink everything in sight.
Each player also has one Michelle Dando Joker Card, which gives them the option of passing their fine to another player of their choice. In this situation, the fine can be rebounded by playing the Sam Li-.. wait, we’re getting ahead of ourselves! Let’s keep things simple to begin with.
When you’ve finished you can depart for your favourite grotty nightclub where you’ll probably find that you have more knowledge of each manifesto than the candidates’ own campaign teams. You will also be fully qualified to make an informed decision when voting opens. Isn’t democracy wonderful?