In the final game of a record breaking BUCS season for Southampton Men’s Lacrosse, the Tridents finish their perfect 10 – 0 season with a 9 – 6 victory away at Plymouth. 

In a near upset, Southampton found themselves chasing the game at one point for the first time in the BUCS season. Plymouth fielded a strong contingent and proved a considerable threat at home in contrast to their away performance.

Intent on leaving everything on the field and missing Leander Crocker in midfield, Jack McClelland stepped up to the plate to revive his midfield career. Immediately it became clear why Jack hadn’t faced off in four years, lacking the strong Anglo-Grecian features required for midfielding excellence, he was out-clamped by the Plymouth player.


Capt. Andrew Valentine, number 15, gets defence to promise not to let any goals in

Though the actual face offs were lost, Southampton showed gritty determination to win possession in midfield, scoring a trio of goals in the first quarter, whilst Plymouth’s well-drilled attack crept one up through X to end the quarter 3 – 1.

Long hailed as the defender least bereft of talent, barely a match goes by without the Tridents asking “Hey Will, how come you shit your pants every time you cross half way?”. Time and time again Will would explain that yeah, he’s pretty fucking sick at Lacrosse, and yes it is a waste of time having attackers on the field because they’re all terrible, but it would be bad for morale if he scored all the goals as well as stopped all the goals.

It was decided after much peer pressure and persuasion that Will couldn’t be allowed graduate without scoring, and it’d be fine to steal the attacker’s thunder just this once. Plymouth’s defence agreed and were sympathetic to Will. They too knew the sheer panic of being in full sprint towards the opponent’s goal, only to realise that you can’t actually shoot, and passing isn’t really why you’re on the team.

Fortunately for the voyager into attack, Plymouth’s keeper had the sun in his eyes, also loads of sand, and blacked out shades on. As the Plymouth defenders pretended to get faced dodged within an inch of their lives, Will had enough time to panic and fling the ball vaguely at the goal, which swooshed into the top third left of the keeper’s shoulder.


Will runs up the pitch with his eyes closed

The ensuing celebrations lasted the length of the quarter; Southampton worked their way through their extensive catalogue of moves. Several Laps of Honour later, Trident’s outfield players quieted down enough to listen to CJ.

The goalkeeper explained that while they’d been celebrating Plymouth had scored four goals of their own, bringing the score level at half time to five all. Much chagrin ensued.

Returning to the field full strength in the second half, Tridents worked hard to cut out Plymouth’s danger men behind goal and top right in front of cage. Without playmaking ability, Plymouth were frustrated in attack and allowed Southampton to force their way back on to the scoreboard through Jack McClelland and Andrew Valentine.

Scoring twice in the third, and then twice again in the fourth, Southampton’s experienced side professionally closed out the game, conceding no penalties all game long.

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  • Jake Kelly

    Get out of Will’s ass, Rupert