The elections are rearing their ugly heads once again and noone has the foggiest who’s going to win. Most of us don’t even know who to vote for. Well, we’re putting the contentious debates aside and going back to basics to find out which party leaders you would Snog, Marry or Avoid.

We took to Avenue Campus to ask Southampton’s Humanities students who they thought were the best of the (unquestionably average) bunch.

Who did they want to lock lips with? Who would they be stuck with for better or for worse? Who wouldn’t they touch with a barge pole. We set them the painstaking task of choosing between David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage. Here’s what they had to say:


Emma, fourth year English and French

Pucker up Cleggy, Emma’s coming for you. Can’t say that we’re too surprised to see Farage taking the hit here – better luck next time Mr UKIP.


Lucy, fourth year English and French

Nick’s getting a lotta hot loving so far, but a quick smooch is all he’s got lined up. Apparently we don’t trust him to live up to the lifelong commitment of marriage. Given his track record, those vows would be broken quicker than you can say “tuition fees”. Cameron’s off to a good start however and appears to be shaping up as serious marriage material. He claims he can provide for Britain, but can he provide for you? These girls think so.


Lara, fourth year English, French and Spanish

Lara’s passionately avoiding Nigel. We could almost sense the seething as she scribbled his name in bold on the whiteboard, we’re starting to get a sense that Nigel has no fans. Poor little Nige. Ed’s finally been thrown into the mix – but the question we’re all asking ourselves is can he make it down the aisle without making a blunder? Will he be able to scoff down your wedding cake without cocking it up? Lara’s embracing him as he is.


Emily, Ellie and Katie, all second year Modern Languages students

These girls took the task seriously, and after a bit of deliberation came up with the following. Clegg’s sex factor seems to be growing even if his chances of winning the election aren’t. Again, Farage is cast out into the cold.


Jackson, second year History

Jackson’s mixing it up and claims he’d rather lock lips with David Cameron. But it’s Clegg who he’ll be spooning him for the rest of his life. We wonder whether Clegg would be the big spoon or the little spoon? Surely little. David’s probably whipped him into shape by now – likely in that “darkened room” he kept harping on about in the Election Debates.


Soph, fourth year English and French

Is that two hearts I spy? Soph’s really getting into this. David’s well in there, unlike poor old Ed… we’d think he better stay as far away as possible. Perhaps he and Farage can bond over their rejection?


Lucy, second year Chemistry

We’re getting used to this now. Farage is binned once again (sorry not sorry) whilst Clegg’s kisses are too hard to resist. Ed’s destined to a lifetime of loving from Lucy.


Rachel, fourth year English and Spanish

Akin to Lucy, Rachel’s taken pity on Ed and will be waltzing up the aisle to wed him (they’ll have to battle it out between them). Quelle surprise – Nige ain’t got no nooky while Nick’s tonsil tickling once again.


Lucy and Kerri, fourth year Languages students

Whilst Dave Cam sounds like some sort of weird, sexual chatroulette experience, this time it’s Nick Clegg who’s been snapped up off the shelf, ‘Cleggy’ sounds all cuddly and cute (if not slightly patronising). Shock horror Nigel’s been booted out.

So what can we take from this? Well, one thing’s for certain, we all hate Nigel Farage. If Clegg can’t hustle his way into parliament he can start up a kissing booth and make some sweet moolah in doing so. Cameron and Miliband have it all still to play for, we’ll just have to see who comes up trumps after the votes are cast.

Given the option, who would YOU Snog, Marry, Avoid? Tell us in the comments below!


Leave your response!

  • Soton tab reader

    Shit journalism.



    Shit comment.


  • snog Clegg marry Dave avoid Miliband

    The great thing about marrying Dave is that you kinda can by voting Conservative on Thursday.

    5-year Menage a trois with Cameron and Clegg? Yes please!


  • Name

    Oh look, everyone avoiding Farage. How very politically correct of them.


  • Thomas Hallam

    I’m going to vote for UKIP just because it’s the only logical option, it will improve the welfare of the motherland and all she loves.


  • Christopher Gutteridge

    aw, bless. This is a bit like that article about how attractive the sab candidates were a couple of years ago.