Two student houses in Portswood have declared outright war on each other.

It started when the “British house” raised the Union Jack flag from their roof in a defiant act of patriotism.

A few days later their neighbours responded by raising a Japanese flag and tension between the two houses quickly escalated.

Proudly flying their flags

Proudly flying their flags

The Japanese triggered the battle as they proceeded to attack the British with hoards of paper aeroplanes flown over the fence.

This led the British to counter-attack with a quadcopter flight. The two houses even came face to face in a water fight, using water balloons and pistols to attack.

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Battle weapons of choice

The two countries then shored up their houses for battle when they realised this would be a war of attrition.

The Japanese left “Pat the Head” in their window as lookout whilst the British displayed their mascot “Wilson” on the fence that divided the two gardens.

The Japanese house then stole Wilson and posted a ransom note through the British letter box.

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The ransom note

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Addressed to the British

The British responded with their own threatening letter.


Despite the Japanese admitting this letter was “much better than anything we’ve ever sent them”, they made the bold move to “kill” Wilson and placed his remains on the frontline fence.

In the middle of the night, the Japanese bombarded British territory, decorating their back doors with Japanese flags, and fish decorations with the question “Do you like sushi?” posted on the door.

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Enemy territory

The Soton Tab spoke to Rurairi Harnden, a member from the British house who commented that he cannot divulge on their coming retaliation because

The best pranks are still yet to come!

Meanwhile, the Japanese have been preparing for battle by gathering a variety of weapons and building a catapult.

Japanese weapons

The Japanese weapons. Is that a samurai sword!?

The Japanese building their attack force

The Japanese building their attack force

Rurairi also commented on whether the two houses will ever become amicable neighbours:

We have stared having conversations over the fence and Facebook friend requests have been sent, but this can only end one way: their unconditional surrender.

Is this a devoted means of procrastination or are these two houses entwined in an epic battle bigger than life itself?

Who would you like to see win? Let us know in the comments below!


Leave your response!

  • Abraham Shekelkeks

    “The Japanese triggered the battle as they proceeded to attack the British with hoards of paper aeroplanes flown over the fence.”

    A day that will live in infamy.


  • Milliband Blair

    japanese dickheads. go home


  • Fat Man

    The Enola Gay will settle it.


  • Allie to the Brits

    I love you guys
    Time to bring out the (Nic) Cage boys 😉


  • Thomas Hallam

    This is incredibly racist I find it rather offensive.