It’s the night everyone in Europe has been waiting for…..EUROVISION!!!! And us tabbers will be here to guide you all the way through (aren’t you lucky). So get those drinks at the ready! (You’ll definitely need them…)
So Sweden won and we came second to last and now The Tab team are off to Jesters.
Sweden’s Cludia Winkleman/ Carly Rae Jepson payed off
At least Sweden can afford to do it next year
Well this has been fun. Time for jesters. BYEEE!
4 more points! Finally the last country and we’re on to Jesters
SWEDEN ARE THE WINNERS
oooo Russia please share your oil with us
The tab lads reckon ‘there hasn’t been much talent’ this year
Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd Rock Hallelujahhh- still got that on my ipod….
Finland have drafted in the guy from Lordi to give out their votes ……. best thing to happen all night
Suck on that Norway – 2 in onenight!!
WE’RE NOT BOTTOM!!! SUCK ON THAT NORWAYYYYY
Estonia have given us five points – a bit like making friends with the second least popular kid in school
Peter is prepared to spend a WHOLE NIGHT BAREFOOT in jesters for £2…..desperate times.
Peter: ‘we’re dropping down the table like a sack of sh**’
Apparently “thanksBelgium” is trending on Twitter from the ONE POINT they gave us …. how tragic is that? The Tab is itching to get to Jesters
LATEST UK UPDATE: We have one point. Editor Luke O’Brien says ‘why do we even bother’. Amen brotherrrr.
OMG we aren’t on nul points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now on 18 out of 42. Soz to ditch the blog, we were too busy fb stalking people
The third year in a row Malta have given Azerbaijan top points- they’re fearing for their LIVES, that’s why!
Malta usually give us points apaz
8 of 42 countries have voted….kill me now
The usual Eastern bloc circle-jerk
I want a jesticle.
The fit presenter reminds us of Penelope Cruise
Euro-vision could of been improved with a extremely talented dog
Filler filler filler….boredddd
LINES ARE NOW CLOSED
It would be funnier if the grannies were all different sizes and stood behind each other in height order ready to pop out….
ANOTHER reminder? Who do they think we are….Dory from Finding Nemo?!
Graham sounds as bored as any of us at the Tab press centre
Fave line: ‘This trumpet makes you my girl’. #chatupWIN
Everyone should vote for Greece and see what happens next year
The M&S food’s back….
Grannies are far too cute
So there are CDs AND DVDs on sale, for those of you who want to re-live this MAGICAL evening.
cute wee grannies awwwww!
Call these numbers to waste your money voting in a bollocks competition
Hate to say it, but Eurovision definitely get worse every year….
We’ve come to the conclusion that the Hump looks like some sort of old, sad dog…..who, judging by the nickname, clearly hasn’t been ‘done’
Ooooo unison to open the voting. Peter- ‘Jesus, that is embarassing’
Graham’s trying bless him but I do miss Terry still….
Shut up Graham, we can’t hear what everyone else is saying!
LOB on the presenter: ‘his face looks like a spade’
What’s the dancers’ obsession with press ups?!
Moldova are really good – lead singer resembles Colin Farrell
So the background dancers appear to have changed their bodies into see-saws
Moldova now with corsets, campness and half-arsed handstands
We definitely should’ve had ‘Where’s my keys, where’s my phone’ for the UK song
Everyone loves an animated jumping morph suit man
Ukraine going Dubstep
The choreographers of Eurovision are truly shit.
Eurovision at the head of the curve with that half-arsed wob
Loving the eccentric trumpet players in the background
Dubbing it up now
Ukraine….looking saucy in tassels
The background musician is having a good go at seductive clarinet playing…..
Nice way to follow Jedward….a rip off of Coldplay’s ‘Paradise’ from Serbia
Tabbers getting involved:
The waterline – like the breadline but not quite as bad
Expect Ireland’s tourism revenue to fall like a sack of shit after this performance….
Their hair has been slightly tamed! The outfits, not so much….
WEARING MY JEDWARD MASK AND LOVIN ITTTT
WTF are Jedward wearing?!
Sam Welch pointing out the musical technicalities:
Doing well for a man whose guitar isn’t plugged into anything…
In preparation for Jedward’s performance later, Bridget Clay wishes John was her boyfriend:
Wonder if she’s got a dick under those trousers…
More like F.M.L Macedonia, this is DIRE
Sorry I meant FYR Macedonia….!!!!
Germany resmbling Harry Syles
Germany should have included a money bath in their act
Let’s see if Spain’s song compares to Algo Pequenito in 2010
I remember a few years ago Spain had a guy leaping around the stage playing a baby’s TOY GUITAR, how the mighty have fallen
Another Brides of Southampton customer…?
It’s like Tim Burton meets Human Centipede here from Turkey
Naked psychopathy in the Turkish guy’s eyes
Rocky Horror Show meets Eurovision
Turkey lead singer looks like Sacha Baren Cohen
I feel like I could smash some plates to this tune….
Turkish singer ‘looks like a bat’
I thought all Swedish chicks were blonde?
Could this girl be the next Michael Jackson??!
Sweden looks like the emperor from Star Wars
Is it this windy in Sweden?
Chamberlain comes on for England in the football, Hodgson is obviously following this live blog in the stands in Oslo.
Ahh. Aphrodisiac, Aphrodite, very clever
Greece’s lead singer is saving this performance
Looks like she couldn’t even afford to have her dress finished…poor lass
Greece’s performance is on par with their economy…
Half of Greece’s GDP pumped into this entry
Smashing plates or smashing economies?
How can Greece afford to send somebody to Eurovision?
Here come the paupers of Europe!
Lets hope the UK do better at this than England are doing against Norway. Hanging on to 1-nil. Tragic. Bring on Oxlade-Chamberlain to rep Southampton!
Denmark – making seafaring sexy
Denmark have brought their furniture
Denmark love sailor girls.
Hey Romania, did you steal your bagpipes from Scotland?
One word – bagpipes
Tab live bloggers have deviated from Eurovision and are now discussing the infamous SUSU Scribblers
Azerbaijan is HOT!
Housemates saying Azerbaijan’s performer might have toxic shock syndrome
Such charisma from our Azeri hostess…
does Humberdinkle even speak English? Hmm maybe he’s more of a Welsh man?
The presenter is wearing a dress from Portswood Brides
HUMP HUMP HUMP
We’re beating Norway one nil in the football if anybody cares (Peter Shaw)
Norway rocking the old-school Peter Andre fringe
we are reppin’ Ireland equipped with a jedward mask and ginger mask – anyone else got any theme’s going on?
Manky old shirt this guy’s wearing, you’d have thought he’d have made a bit more effort for Eurovision
Hellooooooo Norway 😉
Viking has always been my type
Norway bringing the big hook lines
These promo videos are getting annoying
you’re totally cute though Mr Estonia, I’ll give you that
more GENERIC stuff from Estonia – Jedward may be in with a chance
He’s singing about his Communist childhood, life in the bread line
hallo Estonia – where are you again? non event…
All these pretty buildings financed of course by government oppression
More eastern bloc vibes coming up with Estonia
The background singers are LOVING LIFE.
She’s trying a bit too hard to be Amy Winehouse – seems a bit like her disfavoured little sister
I thought Amy Winehouse was dead…?
We miss the Russian GILFs, we want more!
YET ANOTHER celebrity resemblance
Poor man’s Amy Winehouse
Azerbaijan is famous for it’s carpets…who knew?
Will the bunga bunga girls be repping Italy?
Spot on Graham
According to Norton, the in-between films ‘really are just postcards’
wonder how long it took her to grow that hair
Wish Stewart Downing was this agile for England and then maybe we’d win something
France are going for it!
This is not just food……….
This song is pretty mental
Just found this, though not entirely sure what it is….a previous song of the Hump’s maybe?
France displaying their Cirque du Soleil skills here
Ben Anderson in my living room:
This shit just got real
France going to the circus, is that the bearded lady?
Someone has stolen this Frenchy’s top….good job he’s rippeddd
Whats all this pictures of cuisine?
Cypriot lead singer looking TASTY
Cyprus looking hot
Marina and the diamonds look-a-like….did you have to have a vague resemblance to a celebrity in order to qualify this year?
Cyprus now- they seem to be going for the ‘sexy’ approach
You know it’s getting serious when the violins are whipped out
Is that Chloe Richardson singing for Iceland?
David Beckham’s long-lost twin up there atm
‘Never Forget’ is the title of Iceland’s entry….rip off Cee Lo Green?
Here come the Vikings
Iceland … the country that brought us Bjork
My vote is with the grannies. Hands down.
It’s not pizza, it’s pies!! Some sort of Russian tradition that you have to sing whilst cooking them maybe?
Looks like they sewed their clothes themselves
‘Come on and dance’…..and then a word that sounds like ‘zumba’….what’s not to like.
Russia would get my vote
Ahhh yes this is proper eurovision!
Techno Babushkas, love it
FAVE SO FAR
The youngest one is 44…………
She seems to be cooking a pizza….
This year’s golden girls up next
So excited for the Russian grannies
Bit boring tbh, getting distracted by the football
We’ve got absolutely no idea what she’s singing
Bosnia and Herzegovina…always had trouble pronouncing that…
‘He’s like a young John Barrowman’ says Graham
I’ve seen better moves on Jesters’ dancefloor…
This has definitely got a beat to it! Toe-tappin’ timezz y’all
…Okay, cancel that- he’s ripped off the mask.
‘Love is blind’, and seemingly so is the singer!
How much did the Azerbaijan tourist board pay Eurovision to through in the Baku propaganda?!
‘When the day becomes the night, I think of you’….profound.
Eurovision is turning into a horror movie!
Did she just say ‘sexy chick?!?’
Well this is all a bit dramatic, whatever happened to ‘we’re flying the flag’?
She’s wearing her hair as a necklace….cool?
What is going on with her barnet?!
Albania now….apparently someone from Azerbaijan tried to kill someone from Albania during a Eurovision-related row…or something…
Ok so that arena is HUGE.
This guy is not lovin’ angels instead
Hungary’s guy is a poor man’s Robbie Williams
Right here’s Hungary’s version of Robbie Williams
Now time for Hungary- a lot of leather going on
Graham’s up to his usual tricks….
We got Catherine wheels, we’re gonna win!
There’s our one fan in the crowd
Fiona: ‘England are only going to win it coz he’s hot’
Nice and upbeat from the HUMP
Apparently Engelbert’s (spelling?!) nickname is The Hump…..fun fact for you
UK are going first to set the standard low!
Hello from Azerbaijan (aka Alistair’s living room)