EUROVISION 2012: LIVE BLOG

23.18

So Sweden won and we came second to last and now The Tab team are off to Jesters.

23.17

Sweden’s Cludia Winkleman/ Carly Rae Jepson payed off

23.17

At least Sweden can afford to do it next year

23.16

Well this has been fun. Time for jesters. BYEEE!

23.16

4 more points!  Finally the last country and we’re on to Jesters

23.16

SWEDEN ARE THE WINNERS

23.10

oooo Russia please share your oil with us

23.08

23.08

The tab lads reckon ‘there hasn’t been much talent’ this year

23.07

Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd Rock Hallelujahhh- still got that on my ipod….

23.06

Finland have drafted in the guy from Lordi to give out their votes ……. best thing to happen all night

RRRRRRRRussia!!

23.05

Suck on that Norway – 2 in onenight!!

23.05

WE’RE NOT BOTTOM!!! SUCK ON THAT NORWAYYYYY

23.02

Estonia have given us five points – a bit like making friends with the second least popular kid in school

23.00

Peter is prepared to spend a WHOLE NIGHT BAREFOOT in jesters for £2…..desperate times.

22.58

Peter: ‘we’re dropping down the table like a sack of sh**’

22.56

Apparently “thanksBelgium” is trending on Twitter from the ONE POINT they gave us …. how tragic is that?  The Tab is itching to get to Jesters

22.49

LATEST UK UPDATE: We have one point. Editor Luke O’Brien says ‘why do we even bother’. Amen brotherrrr.

22.49

OMG we aren’t on nul points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22.48

Now on 18 out of 42. Soz to ditch the blog, we were too busy fb stalking people

22.38

The third year in a row Malta have given Azerbaijan top points- they’re fearing for their LIVES, that’s why!

22.37

Malta usually give us points apaz

22.37

8 of 42 countries have voted….kill me now

22.35

The usual Eastern bloc circle-jerk

22.34

I want a jesticle.

22.29

The fit presenter reminds us of Penelope Cruise

22.24

Euro-vision could of been improved with a extremely talented dog

22.22

Filler filler filler….boredddd

22.16

LINES ARE NOW CLOSED

22.12

It would be funnier if the grannies were all different sizes and stood behind each other in height order ready to pop out….

22.12

YUM PIES

22.11

ANOTHER reminder? Who do they think we are….Dory from Finding Nemo?!

22.10

Graham sounds as bored as any of us at the Tab press centre

22.10

Fave line: ‘This trumpet makes you my girl’. #chatupWIN

22.10

Everyone should vote for Greece and see what happens next year

22.10

The M&S food’s back….

22.09

Grannies are far too cute

22.09

So there are CDs AND DVDs on sale, for those of you who want to re-live this MAGICAL evening.

22.08

cute wee grannies awwwww!

22.06

Call these numbers to waste your money voting in a bollocks competition

22.03

Hate to say it, but Eurovision definitely get worse every year….

22.02

We’ve come to the conclusion that the Hump looks like some sort of old, sad dog…..who, judging by the nickname, clearly hasn’t been ‘done’

22.00

Ooooo unison to open the voting. Peter- ‘Jesus, that is embarassing’

22.00

Graham’s trying bless him but I do miss Terry still….

21.59

Shut up Graham, we can’t hear what everyone else is saying!

21.59

LOB on the presenter: ‘his face looks like a spade’

21.58

What’s the dancers’ obsession with press ups?!

21.58

Moldova are really good – lead singer resembles Colin Farrell

21.58

So the background dancers appear to have changed their bodies into see-saws

21.56

Moldova now with corsets, campness and half-arsed handstands

21.56

We definitely should’ve had ‘Where’s my keys, where’s my phone’ for the UK song

21.54

Everyone loves an animated jumping morph suit man

21.54

Ukraine going Dubstep

21.54

The choreographers of Eurovision are truly shit.

21.53

Eurovision at the head of the curve with that half-arsed wob

21.53

Loving the eccentric trumpet players in the background

21.53

Dubbing it up now

21.52

Ukraine….looking saucy in tassels

21.49

The background musician is having a good go at seductive clarinet playing…..

21.48

Nice way to follow Jedward….a rip off of Coldplay’s ‘Paradise’ from Serbia

21.47

Tabbers getting involved:

21.46

The waterline – like the breadline but not quite as bad

21.45

Expect Ireland’s tourism revenue to fall like a sack of shit after this performance….

21.44

Their hair has been slightly tamed! The outfits, not so much….

21.44

WEARING MY JEDWARD MASK AND LOVIN ITTTT

21.44

WTF are Jedward wearing?!

21.43

JEDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

21.43

Sam Welch pointing out the musical technicalities:

Doing well for a man whose guitar isn’t plugged into anything…

21.41

In preparation for Jedward’s performance later, Bridget Clay wishes John was her boyfriend:

http://youtu.be/FnK8AyEgipw

21.41

Wonder if she’s got a dick under those trousers…

21.40

More like F.M.L Macedonia, this is DIRE

21.40

Sorry I meant FYR Macedonia….!!!!

21.40

FYI Macedonia

21.34

Germany resmbling Harry Syles

21.34

Germany should have included a money bath in their act

21.30

Let’s see if Spain’s song compares to Algo Pequenito in 2010

21.29

I remember a few years ago Spain had a guy leaping around the stage playing a baby’s TOY GUITAR, how the mighty have fallen

21.28

Another Brides of Southampton customer…?

21.26

It’s like Tim Burton meets Human Centipede here from Turkey

21.25

Naked psychopathy in the Turkish guy’s eyes

21.24

Rocky Horror Show meets Eurovision

21.24

Turkey lead singer looks like Sacha Baren Cohen

21.24

I feel like I could smash some plates to this tune….

21.23

Turkish singer ‘looks like a bat’

21.21

Karate-inspired performance

21.20

I thought all Swedish chicks were blonde?

21.19

Could this girl be the next Michael Jackson??!

21.19

Sweden looks like the emperor from Star Wars

21.19

Is it this windy in Sweden?

21.19

Chamberlain comes on for England in the football, Hodgson is obviously following this live blog in the stands in Oslo.

21.19

Wind machineeeeeee

21.17

Ahh.  Aphrodisiac, Aphrodite, very clever

21.16

Greece’s lead singer is saving this performance

21.15

Looks like she couldn’t even afford to have her dress finished…poor lass

21.15

Greece’s performance is on par with their economy…

21.14

Half of Greece’s GDP pumped into this entry

21.14

Smashing plates or smashing economies?

21.14

How can Greece afford to send somebody to Eurovision?

21.13

Here come the paupers of Europe!

21.13

Lets hope the UK do better at this than England are doing against Norway. Hanging on to 1-nil. Tragic. Bring on Oxlade-Chamberlain to rep Southampton!

21.11

Denmark – making seafaring sexy

21.11

Denmark have brought their furniture

21.11

Denmark love sailor girls.

21.06

Hey Romania, did you steal your bagpipes from Scotland?

21.06

One word – bagpipes

21.05

Tab live bloggers have deviated from Eurovision and are now discussing the infamous SUSU Scribblers

21.05

Azerbaijan is HOT!

21.05

Housemates saying Azerbaijan’s performer might have toxic shock syndrome

21.02

Such charisma from our Azeri hostess…

21.01

does Humberdinkle even speak English? Hmm maybe he’s more of a Welsh man?

21.00

The presenter is wearing a dress from Portswood Brides

21.00

HUMP HUMP HUMP

20.59

We’re beating Norway one nil in the football if anybody cares (Peter Shaw)

20.59

Norway rocking the old-school Peter Andre fringe

20.59

we are reppin’ Ireland equipped with a jedward mask and ginger mask – anyone else got any theme’s going on?

20.57

Manky old shirt this guy’s wearing, you’d have thought he’d have made a bit more effort for Eurovision

20.57

Hellooooooo Norway 😉

20.57

Viking has always been my type

20.57

Norway bringing the big hook lines

20.55

These promo videos are getting annoying

20.54

you’re totally cute though Mr Estonia, I’ll give you that

20.53

more GENERIC stuff from Estonia – Jedward may be in with a chance

20.53

He’s singing about his Communist childhood, life in the bread line

20.53

hallo Estonia – where are you again? non event…

20.52

All these pretty buildings financed of course by government oppression

20.52

More eastern bloc vibes coming up with Estonia

20.50

The background singers are LOVING LIFE.

20.49

She’s trying a bit too hard to be Amy Winehouse – seems a bit like her disfavoured little sister

20.49

I thought Amy Winehouse was dead…?

20.48

We miss the Russian GILFs, we want more!

20.48

YET ANOTHER celebrity resemblance

20.48

Poor man’s Amy Winehouse

20.48

Azerbaijan is famous for it’s carpets…who knew?

20.48

Will the bunga bunga girls be repping Italy?

20.48

Spot on Graham

20.48

According to Norton, the in-between films ‘really are just postcards’

20.47

wonder how long it took her to grow that hair

20.47

Wish Stewart Downing was this agile for England and then maybe we’d win something

20.47

France are going for it!

20.46

This is not just food……….

20.46

This song is pretty mental

20.46

Just found this, though not entirely sure what it is….a previous song of the Hump’s maybe? 

20.45

France displaying their Cirque du Soleil skills here

20.45

Ben Anderson in my living room:

This shit just got real

20.45

France going to the circus, is that the bearded lady?

20.44

Someone has stolen this Frenchy’s top….good job he’s rippeddd

20.44

Whats all this pictures of cuisine?

20.43

Cypriot lead singer looking TASTY

20.42

Cyprus looking hot

20.41

Marina and the diamonds look-a-like….did you have to have a vague resemblance to a celebrity in order to qualify this year?

20.40

Cyprus now- they seem to be going for the ‘sexy’ approach

20.38

You know it’s getting serious when the violins are whipped out

20.37

Is that Chloe Richardson singing for Iceland?

20.36

David Beckham’s long-lost twin up there atm

20.36

‘Never Forget’ is the title of Iceland’s entry….rip off Cee Lo Green?

20.36

Here come the Vikings

20.35

Iceland … the country that brought us Bjork

20.35

My vote is with the grannies. Hands down.

20.35

It’s not pizza, it’s pies!! Some sort of Russian tradition that you have to sing whilst cooking them maybe?

20.34

Looks like they sewed their clothes themselves

20.34

‘Come on and dance’…..and then a word that sounds like ‘zumba’….what’s not to like.

20.34

Russia would get my vote

20.33

Ahhh yes this is proper eurovision!

20.33

Techno Babushkas, love it

20.33

FAVE SO FAR

20.33

The youngest one is 44…………

20.33

She seems to be cooking a pizza….

20.32

This year’s golden girls up next

20.32

So excited for the Russian grannies

20.31

Bit boring tbh, getting distracted by the football

20.31

We’ve got absolutely no idea what she’s singing

20.29

Bosnia and Herzegovina…always had trouble pronouncing that…

20.27

‘He’s like a young John Barrowman’ says Graham

20.27

I’ve seen better moves on Jesters’ dancefloor…

20.26

This has definitely got a beat to it! Toe-tappin’ timezz y’all

20.26

…Okay, cancel that- he’s ripped off the mask.

20.25

‘Love is blind’, and seemingly so is the singer!

20.25

How much did the Azerbaijan tourist board pay Eurovision to through in the Baku propaganda?!

20.25

‘When the day becomes the night, I think of you’….profound.

20.24

Lithuaniaaaaaaaaaa

20.23

Eurovision is turning into a horror movie!

20.23

Did she just say ‘sexy chick?!?’

20.22

Well this is all a bit dramatic, whatever happened to ‘we’re flying the flag’?

20.21

She’s wearing her hair as a necklace….cool?

20.21

What is going on with her barnet?!

20.20

Albania now….apparently someone from Azerbaijan tried to kill someone from Albania during a Eurovision-related row…or something…

20.20

Ok so that arena is HUGE.

20.19

This guy is not lovin’ angels instead

20.17

Hungary’s guy is a poor man’s Robbie Williams

20.17

Right here’s Hungary’s version of Robbie Williams

20.16

Now time for Hungary- a lot of leather going on

20.16

Graham’s up to his usual tricks….

20.15

We got Catherine wheels, we’re gonna win!

20.15

There’s our one fan in the crowd

20.15

Fiona: ‘England are only going to win it coz he’s hot’

20.14

KEY CHANGE

20.14

Nice and upbeat from the HUMP

20.14

Apparently Engelbert’s (spelling?!) nickname is The Hump…..fun fact for you

20.12

UK are going first to set the standard low!

20.10

Hello from Azerbaijan (aka Alistair’s living room)