When Saint Valentine was killed for defending Christianity against the Romans, his last thoughts probably weren’t ‘I hope in 2000 years time, couples will buy teddy bears for each other in my name’.

Sorry Mr Valentine, it’s happened anyway. As we edge closer to Valentine’s Day, the lovey-dovey TV adverts and friends’ romantic plans cruelly remind many of us of our single Pringle status.

Follow these Valentine’s survival tips and together, we’ll make it through.

1. Avoid couples hotspots

If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. While this maxim isn’t the most accurate when things such as gravity are concerned, hiding away from it all may not be the worst idea for those of us who feel particularly depressed on Valentine’s Day. Staying away from nice restaurants, parks or tourist attractions is a must.

It falls on a Saturday this year, so you have an excuse for not leaving the house. Take the opportunity to catch up on TV, clean your house, just do whatever it takes to keep your mind off the love-pocalypse going on outside.

Scoops and Sprinkles, likely to be full of couples on Valentine's Day

Scoops and Sprinkles, likely to be full of couples on Valentine’s Day

2. Take advantage of the quiet uni facilities

For those of you brave enough to venture outside, Valentine’s Day offers a few rewards. Head onto campus and take advantage of the deserted gym, running or lifting until you forget how to feel. Alternatively, hit the library and bury your head in a textbook or two.

Revise until your brain is as numb as your cold, unloved heart.

The library will be as dead as your love life

The library will be as dead as your love life

3. Find safety in numbers

Who said you’re not allowed to enjoy the company of people other than a love interest on Valentine’s day? Turn it into a ‘Gal-entines’ or ‘Man-entines’ day, taking the chance to engage in as many un-romantic activities as possible.

Gorge yourself on onion rings smothered in garlic butter, watch rom-coms and make snide comments at every opportunity, swipe through Tinder judging people as superficially as possible. Jesters, among others, is offering a Valentine’s Day traffic light party, where others as desperate as you can go to find last minute love.

The single life has its perks, don’t forget that.

'Yeah I'm just staying in. Got some friends round, Ben, Jerry, Walker...'

‘Yeah I’m just staying in. Got some friends round, Ben, Jerry, Walker…’

4. Enjoy the view from the moral high ground

Before people realised that there was money to be made from Valentine’s Day, times were simpler. The feudal system kept those pesky peasants in line, Cholera meant many people didn’t live past 40, and people were allowed to love each other for more than one day a year.

It’s almost impossible for couples not to get sucked into the corporate machine these days, taking part in the love Olympics by competing for the titles of biggest spender, most elaborate planner, and more.

Us singletons have the pleasure of sitting back and watching with a condescending shake of the head. We don’t buy into the corporate stuff, our love isn’t for sale. That’s the only reason we’re not busy this Valentine’s Day- the crippling commitment issues and horrific social awkwardness are purely coincidental.

Is this really how our calendars should look?

Is this really how our calendars should look?

5. Money saving

Sure being in a relationship is cool, but you know what isn’t? Debt. As students, our bank accounts are already in the red, and student loans hang over us like a dark cloud. Valentine’s Day is expensive for couples, often splashing out on gifts, cards, meals.

Those of us who, like Jason Derulo, are ridin’ solo, dodge a financial bullet. Treat yourself to something from Asos, a Domino’s, a now discounted heart-shaped box of chocolates instead. If you’re feeling particularly masochistic, go and subject yourself to 50 Shades of Grey in the cinema, judging all those around you.

Just be sure to send Snap Chats to friends out on dates, ruining their chances of ever getting a mortgage.

'Thank God I'm oh so alone!'

Whatever happened to ‘money can’t buy love’?

There you have it, five easy ways to beat the Valentine’s blues. February 14th is just a day of the year like any other.

For the hopeless romantics among us, there is still hope. The internet is full of quotes, cliches, songs and films which can mend your broken heart. Let’s face it, as soon as Valentine’s Day is over, none of it will matter anyway.

What are you doing this Valentine’s Day? Let us know in the comments!


Leave your response!

  • Dylan Craig

    I cryd


  • Daniel Evans



  • Jess M

    This man is a genius!