Confessions of a Pauper: Freaky Foods

It’s the end of the uni term, you’ve been in a glass case of emotion stuck in your room for days endlessly revising, and it’s actually become a reflex reaching your hand into that box of jaffa cakes. You’ve been chomping down junk foods to cure all of your revision woes, crying into your fish fingers (fish = brain power…) as you attempt to cram that last bit of revision in. After long days and gruelling nights sat at your desk in despair you emerge after exams to what I can only describe as looking like a blob fish (Google it, it sure ain’t pretty).

It’s an all too familiar feeling being at the end of term with a bank balance in the red – if you’re not already in your overdraft then good on you my friend, because while we’ll all be sobbing into our Sainsbury’s basics white bread, you guys will be treating yourselves to BIRDSEYE fish fingers, steaks and Tropicana juice – what dreams are made of. For us paupers, we have to make that tricky decision: alcohol fund VS. nice food. But who are we kidding!? Of course we will run to Jesters and hand over our dosh for one too many Jesticles – albeit if we start looking like Gollum as a cause of our lacking diet.

The following list of slightly dysfunctional and/or boring meals (too say the least) can be blamed on three factors: revision cravings, being poor and being generally hopeless in the kitchen… And so, without further ado I present to you the weirdest and most wonderful student meals enjoyed (or most likely forced down) by the poor, the revision-mad and the generally inept cooks among us.

Number One: The classic, Marmite on toast. One Biology student claimed that he ate this “meal” near enough every night of the week. Doesn’t exactly leave much to the imagination does it? “What do you have if you fancy pudding?” I asked. The reply? “Jam on toast”.

Number Two: Mint sauce tortilla wraps…. it was a weird stage in my life, it was so wrong but it felt so right… don’t knock it until you’ve tried it people.

Number Three: Tomato soup and pasta, a second year Management student came up with this odd combination: “I wouldn’t recommend it” he said. “I ended up drinking the soup with the pasta still in the bowl”.

Number Four: Curry and spaghetti, an unfortunate mistake – what I thought was a frozen spag bol portion was actually a portion of curry – I had already grated some cheese and everything, gutted. Quite dysfunctional, but tasty all the same.

Number Five: Coleslaw on toast. I’m not sure what it is about coleslaw, but after seeing something that looked like it on the Jesters loos floor I have to say I’m rather put off.

Number Six: Surprise Meal. One second year Geography student never knows what’s on the menu, “I normally just have everyone’s leftovers and have six dinners a night!” Well… when times are tough you hoover up!

Number Seven: Ketchup sandwiches. Errrh, no thanks?

Number Eight: Mushy Peas on Toast. According to Tessa, a second year English and French student it’s a bit of a winner. “I LOVED it, made mum and dad try it – got the whole family involved – can’t knock it.”

Number Nine: Tessa explored another wacky meal with her SPAM stir fry. Can’t say I’ve ever tried it myself, but hey who are we to judge?

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Number ten: Dry weetabix. “I’d run out of milk, and I just thought stuff it I’ll give it a crack” said Joe,  a second year Biomed student. “It would’ve been nicer eating dust” He continued, good on him for having the balls to try it. (That should be some sort of challenge if it isn’t already?)

So there you have it, a few of the bleak and bizarre diets at the end of term! It looks like half of us are getting by by living off toast, but FEAR NOT! Soon enough we’ll be home for the summer under the wing of our loving parents who will fill us to the brim with tasty home cooking (or so we hope).